Yesterday was supposed to be chemo again. I showed up, hooked up (which is the unpleasant part), and then they ran my bloodwork and my white cell count was still too low so we're putting off chemo for another week. I feel like such a failure-- one round of chemo and I can't get strong enough for the second round. How am I ever going to complete 11 more?
My white cell count last week was 1.1 and had only risen to 1.3 this week. And apparently there's nothing I can do or not do to influence it. Diet, exercise, etc. have no bearing on it. My body just has to do the work. So now the plan is to wait till next week and try again. My oncologist is optimistic that next week will work. And apparently there's a shot of something they can give me that will help the white blood count but the catch is they have to do it after chemo. Then once they've given me the shot (which will have side effects, my brother tells me...), I have to wait 2 more weeks for chemo. So at least there's a plan, but it's definitely trying my patience. Just feel like I'm in limbo here, waiting.
Meanwhile, my hair is falling out faster than I can sweep it up. SIGH... I know back in July I said I could deal with it if that came to pass, but it's still really difficult, especially since my oncologist said it probably would thin some, but not all fall out. Well, I guess there's still hope for that-- maybe it's just really thinning! I'll keep you posted on that. (And all this hair loss with only one chemo treatment so far!)
On a personal note, Adam & Jodi (my son & daughter-in-law who live in VA), were here for 10 days and just left on Monday. Was sad to see them go. This is the third thime they've been here since my surgery and I've gotten spoiled-- they really lifted my spirits! While they were here we had a baby shower for Allison, my oldest daughter. That was a perfect thing to take my mind off myself for awhile-- all the cute little baby things, and getting to see lots of my friends.
Now it's back to everyday life-- which is actually quite full at the moment. Two of my children have moved back home and life is anything but dull here. However, that deserves it's own post, so more on that later.
Many thanks to all of my friends who keep in touch by mail or text or email. I'm not always good at responding, but the fact you are thinking about me means so very much. Your prayers and good wishes keep me going!
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Pam,
ReplyDeleteI just got your email and came straight to your blog. You have had one hell of a summer! You are amazing with your wit. Can you believe that I actually laughed out loud. The "old Pam" is definately still making herself heard. You are expressing yourself beautifully. As you know my hubby Phill, went through this last summer. We called it "camp chemo" and he experienced a lot of the same feelings you are, but didn't write them down. Independence - he felt so dependant on me that when he was back to work I went with him on his first business trip...this from a man who has traveled around the world! He also took up residence on the couch and didn't want to see or talk to anyone. He didn't like coffee! That addiction returned soon after chemo. He really had a hard time with loosing his hair. All of this about Phill to say you are not alone in your feelings and you have expressed so well what many have been unable to.
I would love to talk, but understand that now is not the time. You are an amazing woman and know that I will be praying for you and following your journey.
much love I'm sending your way.
xo
Barb B
My dear Pam,
ReplyDeleteI have been silent but you have remained in my prayers. Don's month of sabatical is over and though I worked off and on during his time off, I am now back into the swing of work.
I have not words of advice but I do have the privilege to pray for you. Know that you can call me at anytime to just chat. I won't bug you until you give me the go-ahead.
Your friend, Claudia