I know I haven't posted in awhile-- apologies. And I have nothing cheery or uplifting to share now, so again, if you're not in the mood for a "downer," don't read.
I have finished 4 chemo sessions so far. Eight more to go. But if you count the beginning of this journey as my surgery, on 6/26, then I estimate I'm about halfway through. I should finish chemo end of February if there aren't any more interruptions.
Speaking of interruptions, I'm on a break at the moment, to get my body in good shape for my ear surgery, tomorrow. Really looking forward to that-- NOT! They're going to remove the melanoma from my ear and God knows how I'll look after that. They'll probably want to shave the hair around my ear, and I've only got about 6 strands left. But I'm ready for Halloween-- a defective ear with patch, spotty hair, no eyelashes. I'm just going to add an eyepatch and a pirate hat and I'll scare the heck out of the neighborhood kids. Hopefully my chemo will resume next week, but unsure at this point.
I've bought a couple of wigs and had them styled but just can't bring myself to wear yet. I will definitely NOT be one of those people who goes ahead and shaves their head, so they can have more control over their illness. I'm hanging on to the very last strand, I promise you!
My latest issue is depression. They put me on an anti-depressant with max dosage. At first I felt embarrassed by this latest hurdle but decided who in the heck would NOT be depressed-- I ask you?!?!? So doing what I can. But most days my preference is the bed or the couch with the covers pulled over my head. Everything is an effort-- just showering and dressing. I just want it to be over! I know, what a wuss-- sorry.
So here's my tiny positive bit for this time: what keeps me going are the calls/messages, texts, emails, cards from my friends and family. I promise you, you will never realize how much they mean until you're in this position. That's what keeps me going and I thank you all for thinking about me and praying for me. Will try to be more positive in next update.
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Ok, ear surgery is over, ear looks great and ear lobe is in tack! A positive in all the negative. This calls for new earrings to celebrate. Maybe you should post picture of ear for reference. :) Keep your chin up, there is an end to all this madness and this time next year you will look back and maybe only scream! But your hair will be growing back and your ear will be normal and you'll be feeling better. Keep looking ahead. It won't last forever!!!!!
ReplyDeleteHug the baby! It'll help.
Love
Maria
Good for you----tell us how you feel. We need the truth. It helps us to know about the depression. It is often more debilitating than the cancer treatments. We love you and hope our support and love WILL help. LOVE N.
ReplyDeletePam, you are a tough cookie, I know that. And you have the support of your wonderful family and many, many friends. We are here for you and think of you often . . . know that we don't care what the heck you look like - it's your sense of humor and laugh that we love the most! Maria is right, new earrings will celebrate the new ear and take the focus off the hair!
ReplyDeleteHang in there, we love you. Debbie
Just to let you know I'm thinking of you. That sure is cute little baby. I bet she is really growing.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Lola