When It Rains, It Pours

Hello, it's Pam's daughter, Caitlin! Well, it's been about 6 months since my mom's updated this blog, mainly because there hadn't been much news to report. Unfortunately, life is taking us on yet another adventure, so I'm here to update my mom's blog and keep you all informed while she's out of commission. You have all been so amazing to me and my family the past year during our difficult time and for that we are so grateful! We are truly blessed to have such a LARGE and wonderful support system! So here's the update....

For those who don't know, my mom had been complaining of discomfort in her stomach for the past few weeks. Then, about two weeks ago her stomach became very tough, and within a short period of time it looked like she was 9 months pregnant! She went to her doctor and they found a fluid buildup in her stomach, so they drained 4 liters of fluid out and she instantly felt MUCH better! A week later it was back to a large size with a great amount of discomfort, so they drained it again, this time taking 4.2 liters.

After the second time her doctors were growing very curious as to where the buildup was coming from so they admitted her into the hospital last Thursday (July 1st) and all her different doctors began to run tests to find the cause. Sunday rolled around and they still had no answers so they scheduled an exploratory surgery for Sunday afternoon at 4. The surgery went well and they finished about 8, but unfortunately they found ovarian cancer. They went ahead and performed a histerectomy and removed both ovaries, along with her uterus, and tubes (her response when she found this out was "shit, I wanted more kids!"....typical sarcastic Pam!). I'm happy to report that she is on LOTS of meds right now (proof that they're working- she informed me yesterday that Oprah bought her a new car, and she thought her night nurse was a bird), and her pain is minimal most days. But obviously, she was not pleased to wake up Monday morning to the news that she has yet ANOTHER cancer!

There is still a lot of uncertainty that even the doctors are confused by . . . she just finished 6 months of chemo in March, and she had a CLEAR PETscan in April ("no signs of any recurrent cancer" is what we were told). So her main surgeon, Dr. Roberts, whom we adore, still isn't sure how this is possible but hopes that questions will be answered once we get the pathology report back, which will hopefully be this afternoon.

I got home from the hospital late last night and she is doing well. As a result of the chemo she is quite anemic (she had a blood transfusion back in May), and they gave her another blood transfusion yesterday which will help. The main question now is whether this is from her original colon cancer that has now spread to the ovaries, or whether it's a new primary form of ovarian cancer. Dr. Roberts is fairly certain that it is a new cancer (the ideal situation out of the two), but we won't know for sure until the pathology report comes back.

That's really all there is to update now. Please keep her and my family in your prayers (especially my dad!) and pray for the best case scenario! We are so grateful to have such amazing friends and family and such a LARGE support system! Thank you all so much for everything! I'll keep you updated!

Love,
Caitlin

I'm still here...

Here I am. It just recently occurred to me that if one has a major illness and starts a blog, and one's friends and relatives are caring enough to check the blog and see how one is doing, then "one" has an obligation to post with some regularity. Otherwise, people will think "one" has dropped off the face of the earth. Not. I'm still here.

I feel as if I'm running in place these days. I keep going, and life is passing by on the sides, but I'm not making any measurable progress, which is frustrating. And they keep moving the finish line on me!!! I started chemo in early August, and was slated for 12 sessions, one every other week for 6 months. I'm now 4 months into the process and have had only 5 sessions. Very frustrating!

I've had numerous interruptions. First, they couldn't get my white blood cell count up after the first treatment, so a delay of several weeks. Then my oncologist moved offices-- another interruption. Then I had to have surgery to remove melanoma on my ear-- another delay. And most recently, personal things to do, causing another delay. To add to this, my oncologist took "medical leave" beginning Oct. 1 and I've not seen a doctor since then. Nobody seems to know what's wrong with him, or they're not saying. Meanwhile they divvied up his patients among other doctors and physician assistants in the practice. I've been seeing a physician's assistant since then.

So that's all the medical drama. I seem to have one speed these days: s-l-o-w-w-w-w. I sleep a lot and everything seems to take more energy than I have. To run an errand or go out for some reason, really takes my whole day in preparing and then recovering. Also, I'm pretty committed to the wig and hats these days. I have 42 hairs left, and I'm not shaving them. But it's not enough to go out in public. And although that makes my prep time quicker, I'm still not used to it. I feel like I have a dead muskrat on my head with a neon sign that says "Cancer!" I'm hoping this will pass.

On a personal note: Ben and Caitlin are still living with us. And Ben's 75-lb. Siberian huskie who thinks he's a lap dog and sheds constantly. I'm hoping we won't be condemned by the Board of Health before he and dog move out (next Friday!!!!). Between dog's shedding and my hair loss we truly live in the "House of Hair." And not in a good way.

Allison's baby continues to be a delight to all of us. She's had some trouble gaining weight-- she's only 6 oz over her birth weight after 9 weeks. But she went to doctor again this week and he's changed formula for her so we are hopeful this will work. Developmentally she's on the mark; she just needs to gain weight.

Charlie's mom passed away last week-- the end of a long good-bye. She'd had Alzheimer's for 10 years. While it wasn't unexpected, it was difficult. My mother-in-law raised 11 children and did a fantastic job with all of them. There are 24 grandchildren and 5 great-grandchildren. So while it was a sad occasion, it was also a celebration of her life and legacy.

Charlie is thankfully working. He took an independent contractor position with a local company in early October.There are no benefits but we're able to maintain and put food on the table so God does provide. I've left this one up to Him-- I have too much on my plate to worry about income as well.

We are looking forward to Thanksgiving this week, and my prayer for all of you is that you are surrounded by family (& good food). Be thankful for what you have because there are no guarantees in life! Thank you for your prayers!

And the journey continues...

I know I haven't posted in awhile-- apologies. And I have nothing cheery or uplifting to share now, so again, if you're not in the mood for a "downer," don't read.

I have finished 4 chemo sessions so far. Eight more to go. But if you count the beginning of this journey as my surgery, on 6/26, then I estimate I'm about halfway through. I should finish chemo end of February if there aren't any more interruptions.

Speaking of interruptions, I'm on a break at the moment, to get my body in good shape for my ear surgery, tomorrow. Really looking forward to that-- NOT! They're going to remove the melanoma from my ear and God knows how I'll look after that. They'll probably want to shave the hair around my ear, and I've only got about 6 strands left. But I'm ready for Halloween-- a defective ear with patch, spotty hair, no eyelashes. I'm just going to add an eyepatch and a pirate hat and I'll scare the heck out of the neighborhood kids. Hopefully my chemo will resume next week, but unsure at this point.

I've bought a couple of wigs and had them styled but just can't bring myself to wear yet. I will definitely NOT be one of those people who goes ahead and shaves their head, so they can have more control over their illness. I'm hanging on to the very last strand, I promise you!

My latest issue is depression. They put me on an anti-depressant with max dosage. At first I felt embarrassed by this latest hurdle but decided who in the heck would NOT be depressed-- I ask you?!?!? So doing what I can. But most days my preference is the bed or the couch with the covers pulled over my head. Everything is an effort-- just showering and dressing. I just want it to be over! I know, what a wuss-- sorry.

So here's my tiny positive bit for this time: what keeps me going are the calls/messages, texts, emails, cards from my friends and family. I promise you, you will never realize how much they mean until you're in this position. That's what keeps me going and I thank you all for thinking about me and praying for me. Will try to be more positive in next update.

Introducing...

Introducing our new (first!) granddaughter: Kiley Grace was born September 16th to our oldest daughter, Allison, and her husband Charley. She weighed in at 7 lbs 11 oz and is perfect in every way! The only problem so far is that Allison and family live about 40 min. from us and Allison can't drive yet (because of C-section), and I'm still kind of down from chemo and not driving much either. I suggested they just keep the baby here for awhile, but nobody went for that idea!

There's nothing like a beautiful new grandbaby to take your mind off y9ur problems. I promise more pictures soon!